Aug. 22, 2024
The Crow 2024 Review
Jeff heads to the theater to determine whether or not Bill Skarsgard and FKA twigs can put the wrong things right in Rupert Sanders' retelling of "The Crow" with a quick, SPOILER-FREE review!
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WEBVTT
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You get more out of life when you go out
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to a movie. I know on with the show.
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People once believe that when someone dies, a crow carries
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their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes
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something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried
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with it and the soul can't rest, and sometimes, just sometimes,
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the crow can bring that soul back to put the
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wrong things right. Let's talk about the latest version of
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the Crow.
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Don't want to talk, customer, I'll talk Jolly. She's dead,
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isn't she. You can save her if you put the
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wrong things right. I'm going to.
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Do.
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You have no idea what hell awaits you? No, I
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don't want the Crow. August twenty third.
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Hello everybody, I'm Jeff Johnson for a Film By Podcast
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welcoming you back to the box office. Denny Houston's lackluster
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villain warns us that we have no idea what hell
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awaits us, and I'm here to tell you, having seen
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this recent attempt at reviving the Crow franchise, I do
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know what hell awaits us, so let's get to it.
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Spoiler free. Of course, it's fair to say that the
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story we all know is here, albeit with plenty of
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unnecessary and unwanted modifications. One thing I will say, whether
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we're running from the villains or evading the police or
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putting the wrong things right, Nobody, and I mean nobody,
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is in a hurry to do any of that. Lots
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of time wasted sitting on couches smoking cigarettes, and the
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love story that is hinted at ever so briefly yet
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so impactful in the nineteen ninety four film. It's kind
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of dragged out here, but does very little to make
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you care about Eric or Shelley or their love story.
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Bill Scarsgard, who has proven himself to be a very
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talented actor, definitely put a lot of time and effort
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into his gym routine, and I wish he would have
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put even a fraction of that time into developing this character,
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because he is clearly phoning it in. I don't know
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who he's playing, but it's sure as hell isn't Eric Draven.
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He's not alone, though faring worse in the role of
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Shelley is Fka Twig. Not sure if this is her
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first film, Definitely sure it should be her last film.
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If you thought she was vacant and annoying in the trailer,
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I'm here to tell you only saw a brief glimpse
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of just how bad she is. And then, of course
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there's Danny Houston, who is arguably hit or missed depending
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on the film that he's in. His supernatural villain is
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never really fleshed out in this story. The motives aren't
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really explained to us on why he's doing what he does.
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I'm pretty sure no one bothered to tell Danny Euston
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that either, because despite what might be on the page,
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I'm pretty sure Danny Houston is saying, the hell with this,
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I'm just gonna play Danny Houston because I'm Danny Houston.
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I think the story is an absolute mess, littered with
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side characters that you absolutely will not care about, and
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that's only going to frustrate you more because the pacing
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is so abysmally slow, trying to develop a love story
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between Eric and Shelley, and this iteration that when it fails,
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you'll find yourself just look at your watch wondering how
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much more time you have to spend in the theater
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watching this. And I think director Rupert Sanders knows this,
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because once he realizes he's got about twenty five minutes
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to wrap this whole thing up and give us some
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kind of conclusion that'll satisfy us. It's safe to say
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that he went on a John Wick binge and go
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as hyper violent as possible, with the added bonus of
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making it as gory as possible. Now, if you're asking
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yourself who is Rupert Sanders and why was he chosen
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to ruin the Crow, I'll remind you that he was
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the director that ruined snow White in twenty twelve and
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then went ahead and ruined Ghost in the Show in
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twenty seventeen. Is he in his willhouse? I would say yes.
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If you're standing in the lobby with a ticket to
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the Crow in your hand, then my hope is that
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the Crow takes that ticket stub and carries it back
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to the box office to put the wrong things right.
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And by right I mean a ticket to Trap, a
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ticket to Alien Romulus, a ticket to anything else that's playing.
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I'm Jeff Johnson reminding you that I'll buy the tickets
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if you buy the popcorn.
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